Flash! Military gene experiment with groundhog fails.
According to expert witness Lee Peterson who was able to photograph the recent test site for Groundhogs, stated the experiment was originally designed by the military to develop a special breed of covert use as a field weather predictor. Something went wrong with the experiment in the lab when radiation altering of the gene produced the Split Eared Three Toed Humpback Brown Spotted Gopher instead. When the military funding was cut by Congress last Fall, the remaining animals were put out to pasture as a humanitarian gesture by the military to appease the Animal Rights Activist. Unfortunately the, gopher, geomys bursaius, (SETTHBSG-23, MIL-SPEC G7846-23) has a reproduction rate that cycles every 30 days and is now out of control. It digs square hole and feed on Chicken McNuggets. The has been a boon for McDonald’s Inc because the Animal Rights Activist partitioned the Congress for a special budget for feeding the endangered species. This will also help the employment numbers in the current economic crisis.